super smash bros. (most serious to silliest)

82. ridley

holy shit, look at him! he's huge! in fact, he's the biggest character in smash ultimate! this dragon means fucking business. he will piledrive your head right into the ground and then send you careening into hell faster than you can say peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers three times fast. or one time, probably. do not fuck with this dragon, it will kill you.

81. sephiroth

If One Winged Angel from Final Fantasy 7 started playing on full blast out of the blue, and I didn't know where it came from, I would instantly piss myself and my life would flash before my eyes... so I think Sephiroth deserves this spot.

80. Snake

This guy also looks like he means business--he's in all black, he's got bombs on him, he works for stealth corps... stay away from this man too if you aren't on his good side.

79. Ryu

DON'T FUCK WITH A MAN WHO HAS A BLACK BELT IN MARTIAL ARTS. Trust me, I'm still on the run from Sensei James after quitting his class.

78. Ken

I put Ken above Ryu solely because he has a funnier haircut.

77. Mewtwo

If you don't understand why I'm putting Mewtwo here, watch Detective Pikachu (2019) and then come back.

76. Zero Suit Samus

I missed an opportunity not putting Zero Suit Samus in 69, didn't I? Seriously, though, she's serious. She has a giant mech suit and if she CHOOSES to beat your ass instead, then it's probably not gonna be a good day for said ass.

75. Dark Samus

I would put this higher on the silliness scale than Samus for falling into the esteemed "does not need to exist" section of the Smash roster, but... I dunno, she looks pretty menacing...

74. Samus

Samus can probably kill you in one blast. Not you, as in your Smash main, Smash characters are strong--I mean you in real life. Think about that.

73. Mythra

I don't like thinking about Xenoblade, it makes me feel like an angry, balding Twitter gamer. And as for Mythra, I personally feel like taking a cold shower after just looking at her--she and Pyra are simply the quintessential examples of anime girls that grody, sweaty guys like to fawn over... but that doesn't mean anything in regards to how I feel about them! I just mean they're a little hard to talk about. But I'll get into these two anyway, just for you, internaut! ❤

72. Pyra

Listen, I'm writing these two particular entries while going back and finishing this list after E3 2021, and I've grown in terms of these lists since I first started writing this one after Min Min's debut! That means it's my responsibility to think about my placements a bit more. I put Pyra and Mythra this far down because, unlike a lot of the other characters on this list, I decided to look a bit into their roles in the game's story... and I ended up finding out that a lot of the game is about them searching for a way to die because they both feel like a burden to others. ...Jeez.

71. Richter

Listen, I haven't played any Castlevania games except for the one on NES, but I am led to believe that he has a chain, and I'm too scared to predict what he would do with it. Maybe kick our asphalt?

70. Kazuya

I tried to find out this guy's story by going to his wiki page, but holy fuck, believe me when I say Tekken lore is about as extensive as the Bible... in many different ways. So I'm just gonna put him above Richter because he looks real scary and I don't want him to hurt me! :(

69. Simon

I bet he and Ken would be best buddies. Look, it's like they're twins!

68. Sheik

I'm not gonna delve into this one, spoilers are bad, but... they'll kick your ass. Trust me!

67. Cloud

Cloud would be much higher on this list if he wasn't packing that enormous, pointy blade... oh, and his sword would probably immediately kill you too.

66. Chrom

Sword pal #1 is apparently Lucina and probably Marth's dad. He looked the most menacing of the sword pals, so he's down here.

65. Meta Knight

I love Meta Knight. Meta Knight is serious enough that he can actually be menacing, but he has some silly traits too. Ya just can't help but love the little shit. Oh hey, he has a sword! We can make him sword pal #1.5!

64. Lucina

Sword pal #2 dresses in style, and she probably has some gall too, by the looks of it... just another blue-haired weirdo who loves looking cool, but not actually being interesting. Go over with Sonic. [Disclaimer: Sonic is a very good, interesting, fun character who I love with every fiber of my being. This is a joke.]

63. Byleth

Sword pal #3 is... literally just Chrom again. Come on, guys. Give us a lovable, functioning, original character. Did... did Japan even like this? I don't know. Anyway, I probably shouldn't keep complaining. Byleth is okay! Next!

62. Marth

And here we are at, you guessed it, sword pal #4. Marth just seemed a little more... unnerved than the other few sword pals. It makes him seem the tiniest bit more lovable and silly. Plus, his boots look like Crash Bandicoot crates!

61. Wolf

He has an eyepatch. He's not a pirate. I'm scared.

60. Fox

Fox is really just space furry Samus. He seems like he'll fuck you up, but... ya know. He'll be funny while doing it.

59. Falco

He's basically just Fox, but... beaks are funny. I mean, look at Donald Duck!

58. Hero

I have never played a Dragon Quest game in my life. I have absolutely nothing to say about this character. He just looks like he's mad at me... plus, he has the Drake and Josh Megan hairstyle... stay away, maybe?

57. Ganondorf

He's strong in-game, he's strong out-of-game, he has a super angry face, he has spiky hair, he has muted, earthy tones, he probably assumes a bunch of different forms... but he also said "NOT INTO THE PIT, IT BURNS!"

56. Roy

He's our boy! If he can't do it, no one... will!

55. Shulk

Jeez, why are these characters so well dressed? I know Shulk has a shirtless costume, but that still doesn't answer my question. This is ten times better.

54. Lucario

I was kind of thinking about putting him lower, but... come on. He doesn't even have a mouth! Oh, wait, there it is

53. Joker

Before I rank this character, I've never played a Persona game. Anyway, he looks like he means some fucking business! But... his squeaky-voiced cartoon cat friend makes him a bit sillier. Also, my 11-year-old cousin mains this character!

52. Bayonetta

She will kill me, but there's a good chance she'll look like she's breaking her neck in the process! Look at her go!

51. Zelda

We already ranked her, didn't we? Hmm... no. No, we didn't.

50. Link

I can't wait to bomb some dodongos.

49. Kirby

Go on TV Tropes and look up Corrupt the Cutie. Being the lone survivor after the capturing and brainwashing of everyone in the known universe is very stressful.

48. Robin

What's the use of a character named Robin if we can't picture his booty up in 3D? Mmm... y'know what? We definitely can.

47. Corrin

I can't tell the difference between Corrin and Robin. If you ask me, I'll probably just walk away.

46. Terry

I like Terry! I don't think I bought him, but he's fun! His moveset is a bit complicated for me to understand... as for his silliness, he's around the middle. He's not a super serious fighter from a super serious game like Ken and Ryu, but he's certainly not an overweight, capitalist-coded crocodile with pink eye.

45. Pit

What a simp.

44. Ness

If you didn't play Earthbound as a kid, just imagine Frisk from Undertale. You'd put them here, wouldn't you?

43. Lucas

The only character in the roster who has canonically sung the Freddie Freaker theme song!

42. Captain Falcon

I don't know the super-specific details about Captain Falcon, except that he runs fast, but at face value, I can take him about as seriously as Powdered Toast Man from Ren and Stimpy. He looks extremely strong, though... so I probably wouldn't fuck with him. I'd probably moreso try to get his autograph. ...Unless I were a Tekken character, of course.

41. Pokémon Trainer

Half of 82 is 41. That means Pokémon Trainer is my dead middle pick! ...And I don't have much else to say. I mean, look, even the pokémon he uses are reflective of that. One is a tiny little gremlin child, one is a giant, menacing fire dragon and one is just... there. What an absolute centrist.

40. Steve / Alex / Enderman / Zombie

Listen, this is the only time I'm gonna put the echo fighters for a certain fighter together throughout the entire list, but if you wanna see me rank Minecraft mobs, I'm getting to that later. Anyway, there isn't really much to say about Steve! He was meant to just be a blank canvas for the Minecraft players to paint on circumstantially, and that's kind of how he works in this game too. He isn't really too silly or serious! Though, if I had to put him on either side, I'd definitely say silly, which is why I put him just above the middle!

39. Dark Pit

Remember when I said "I would put this higher on the silliness scale than Samus for falling into the esteemed "does not need to exist" section of the Smash roster, but...?" Take that and remove the "would," remove the "but" and replace Samus with Pit.

38. Wii Fit Trainer

This character isn't really silly in and of herself--she's very serious in terms of getting you healthy--it's moreso silly that she's in the game. That's like putting the guy from Brain Age on Nintendo DS in--wait, what? He's already there? Well, there you go.

37. Palutena

I like Palutena. She's cute, funny, well-meaning, but... also an absolute smug jackass. Also... she has unimaginable power. Moreso on the silly side, but... only very slightly.

36. Pikachu

I'd put Pikachu at a much sillier level if it weren't for that scene in one of the Pokémon movies where Ash died and Pikachu had a mental breakdown so loud that it completely screwed with everything within a 50 mile radius. Ultimate "Do not fuck with me, I will cry" energy.

35. Little Mac

For some reason, he's actually one of the youngest characters in the game... I mean... VILLAGER is probably older than him--he owns a house! Also, for some reason, he's 4 foot 8 in Punch-Out on the NES... Isn't he supposed to be Little Mac and not Microscopic Mac?

34. Incineroar

Furry Little Mac. There's... honestly not much else to say about this one. Incineroar is a bit scary in how easily he can hurt you in-game, but he just... airs on the side of silliness because of that stupid Hanna-Barbera grin. I love it so much.

33. Mega Man

An absolutely inspiring and iconic character in gaming history... but his design is admittedly really awkward. Do you think he's just Astro Boy in a suit?

32. Sonic

And here we are--the man himself. I would be so inclined as to say that Sonic is the most iconic character we've talked about so far! He can get pretty serious sometimes. I mean, he's the one who taught us that we can't use buildings as a canvas, and did so by making us remember the damning, thought-provoking conundrum that it is, in fact... graffiti. Well, I'm convinced--I'm never doing it again! (Not that I've ever done it before.) And also, he's had some pretty big, daunting stories over the years... but at the end of the day, he's still the butt of every joke on the internet and Sonic '06 and Sonic Boom still exist. So, he's a silly boy.

31. Toon Link

I love Wind Waker, but the professionally lit, super generic, high quality, modern-day graphics of Smash Ultimate kind of ruins Toon Link for me. His mere existence in the game alone puts him on the silly side.

30. Greninja

Greninja is such an odd design... he seems like he's this super stealthy killer ninja frog, but... I'm led to believe that he uses his own tongue as a scarf... and why does he always have fuck-me eyes???

29. Young Link

This is another instance of "this character is up this high not because he's silly as a character, but because I find it funny that he's in the game." I mean, why not just put Tiny Mario in the game--like, Mario without a mushroom? Same deal.

28. Peach

I'm led to understand Peach is one of the strongest characters in the game, and she is also apparently a world leader, so I'm putting her as the least silly of the Mario characters. Still, though, she talks a bit goofy!

27. Inkling

Now we're getting into the characters that are adorable in their goofiness. I mean, look at that big head, look at how far apart her eyes are, look at how big her eyes are, look at her little pose--it's just cute goofiness! Though... she probably has been through a lot... given the Splatoon backstory. That puts her down a little bit...

26. Min Min

And here we are, the ramen cutie of the hour (as of a year ago when I started making this list and then forgot about it,) Min Min! Honestly, Splatoon and ARMS are kind of the same deal--just different gimmicks. They're kid-friendly fighting games that have really silly gimmicks and some unusually in-depth lore. I just think Min Min's gimmick is sillier than Inkling's.

25. Bowser

In terms of villains that were built to be at least somewhat menacing, you can't really get sillier than Bowser over here. If you don't believe me, watch the Super Mario World animated series, or just watch the Nintendo Switch Parental Controls animation. He's a big softie at heart when it comes to literally anything other than Mario.

24. King Dedede

King Dedede is basically the same as Bowser, I just think his design is a little funnier.

23. Ice Climbers

They may look silly, but they're a couple of ice cold killers.

What has my life devolved into?

22. Daisy

Daisy has always been Peach's more outgoing, off-the-wall counterpart. I'd feel weird putting her any lower!

21. Pichu

Pichu would probably be a lot higher on the silliness scale if it wasn't for how easily he can fucking kill you in-game.

20. Villager

Villager has always been such an anomaly to me... I mean, this is a design made 100% for Smash. Villager isn't an Animal Crossing character, he's just... a vague visual metaphor. He's scary, but only really as scary as a triangle-nosed pumpkin-headed halfling child can get.

19. Jigglypuff

Jigglypuff can put people to sleep in seconds... and that's extremely unnerving. If not for that, Jiggly here would probably be a little higher.

18. Mario

Okay, so... I know you might have been over this and I might be wasting your time, but have you ever really taken a step back and actually looked at Mario? He's an Italian plumber from Brooklyn with a handlebar mustache who was sucked down the drain and landed in a kingdom of mushrooms that looks like a bad trip, constantly plunging in and out of total anarchy, just like Mario constantly plunged in and out of the dang NEW YORK TOILETS. In fact, the only reason why he isn't higher is because each of his games are about animal genocide in the name of the government.

17. Pac-Man

I've never really been able to take Pac-Man at all seriously. He's... weird... and I don't really know what to think of him. The fact that he's this high on the list is only really because I think it's funny that Final Destination and Omega Pac-Land are in the same game.

16. ROB

My dad told me that when he was a kid, he had one friend who had a ROB... and it was really underwhelming.

15. Isabelle

Goofy and silly aren't really the first things that come to mind when you think of Isabelle, but... come on. When you really think about it, she's cute, she's clumsy, and she cracks jokes to the point where it makes people on Twitter very angry. Three signs of an absolute certified goofball.

14. Bowser Jr.

And when we're talking about certified goofballs, who better to mention than Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings? ...Well, 13 fighters, but... but look at him, he floats in a dang clown! Also, again, watch the Nintendo Switch Parental Controls video.

13. Dr. Mario

Great, awesome, but--uh--why are you here?

12. Mr. Game and Watch

Game... and watch? I still don't understand that name. (Man, I was so much more naive in 2020 when I started this list.) Anyway, this little guy, even at the ripe old age of 41, still does a bunch of silly, fun tricks. I just really wish he looked more like he did in the actual games, what with his eyes and whatnot. That'd make him a lot goofier and more appealing.

11. Luigi

I'd be remiss if I didn't put Luigi at least a little bit higher than Mario on the silliness scale. I mean, he constantly gets spooked, he has the physical build of a singular ramen noodle--no offense, Min Min--he's known for getting his head stuck clean into the wall, going completely stiff and falling onto the ground in several different ways... yeah, he's a little bit of a nutjob.

10. Yoshi

We aren't quite in the super-silly characters just yet--Yoshi isn't really a predominantly wacky character, but look at him--he has a beach ball nose, he has Mr. Krabs eyes, he has the giant tongue, he used to be 7 feet tall, from the front, you can't even see his dang mouth! Does he even have a mouth or is that the bottom of his beach ball nose? This character is an anomaly.

9. Olimar

I want you to take one look at this Mr. Magoo spaceman and tell me that he isn't 10 times sillier than he has any right to be. He's so silly that when the reveal of the new Super Monkey Ball game started during the E3 2021 Direct, I thought they were slowly revealing Olimar's head and not the monkey ball.

8. Donkey Kong

This placement should be pretty obvious.

7. Duck Hunt

Ah, of course, how on Earth could I have forgotten Banjo-Kazooie lite? What's really silly about them is that they're apparently friends now. Didn't the dog take pride in holding the duck by the neck? Didn't look so happy about that. Weird. Is this just some Wreck-It Ralph type shit going on here? I don't know!

6. Mii Fighters

It's you! You made it! You're in the list! And the game! You made it into Smash! Hooray!

5. Diddy Kong

Honestly, it's getting kind of hard to state how and why these characters are so silly. It's getting really self-explanatory and my arms are getting tired. But I will say, I love his dopey little expression and his dumb poses. They're really optimized for the way he's constructed!

4. Banjo-Kazooie

Speaking of Diddy Kong, let's talk about a character from Diddy Kong racing! Banjo and Kazooie are absolute monarchs of goofiness. I mean, Banjo even sounds exactly like Goofy! And consider Kazooie--she is WEAPONIZED and it's hilarious. Some of my favorite characters in Smash, as well as some of the silliest.

3. King K. Rool

Speaking of monarchs of goofiness, the bronze medal of silliness goes to King K. Rool! Everything about King K. Rool's design just screams zany and wacky. I mean, he looks like he got soap in one of his eyes and now it's enormous, his crown looks extremely clean, composed and streamline moderne compared to his rough, scaly, unruly body. He probably weighs 500 pounds and he has these David Hasselhoff pecs... I just love it all.

2. Piranha Plant

...No thoughts. Head empty.

1. Wario

And of course, the number one pick is Wario! Wario is honestly so absolutely crazy and silly in every way that it's scary to many people. His final smash is a FUCKING MASSIVE FART IN THE FACE. Look at his nose! Look at his comically oversized handlebar mustache! Look at his marshmallow-white, perfectly aligned teeth! Look at the fucking Wario apparition! He's not even related to Mario or Luigi, yet he has such a weird obsession over them! What is this character? If you look too far into it, your mind will probably implode.